Signs or coincidence 1

Signs or coincidence
Today is the second anniversary of our son’s death. Like last year we will be lighting floating lanterns for him tonight with our close friends. At his first anniversary we were watching the lanterns when a marvelous shooting star appeared. We like to think of it as a sign. Don’t get me wrong. I have ...

Of beasts and bad guys 3

It is becoming very apparent to me that men grieve differently than women. This might not be such a groundbreaking discovery given that men are different from women in so many ways, but how we deal with pain and grief is sometimes more different than I would have expected. Some women express concern for their ...

Baby Big Brother – One born every minute 1

One headline in the German rainbow press caught my eye today. It talked about a new reality TV series a private channel planned and was dubbed as Baby Big Brother. Apparently, the channel intended to install 30 cameras in the maternity ward of a hospital to produce a show that brings the reality of pregnancy ...

A smile and a tear 1

I was walking across campus this morning and there was a small group of toddlers in front of me. It must have been a daycare group. They were about the same age as Marlon would be now or a little older and they were so cute with their raincoats and their gumboots having fun jumping ...

The meaning of being broken 2

The meaning of being broken
I have started to contemplate a word, maybe even dislike it a little. I have used it before. It gets used in this context a lot. The word is “heartbroken”. We say things such as “I am heartbroken” or “something is heartbreaking”. It seems like a fitting word to describe emotions and the devastation we ...

Medical language: devoid of emotion 1

I get it: each profession needs its own specialized language. It does have a purpose. It would take much longer to discuss things without a common understanding and standardized use of specific terms. Nobody wants to search for appropriate terms to express what they need to express, esp. in time-critical situations that medical staff might ...

Misperceptions of stillbirth

I remember a conversation I had with my wife after our first son Marlon died shortly after his birth. I have to admit that it was really the first time that I had actively thought about what actually happens during miscarriage or stillbirth. There is a baby and he or she has to come out. ...

Infant Memorial Garden 1

Infant Memorial Garden
After we listened to this CBC radio documentary “Buried so Deep”, we had to visit the children at the Infant Memorial Garden at Mountain View Cemetery. So many of them, more than 11,000. Often buried without name or marker. Meant to be forgotten, but forgotten they never were. Their parents remembered them always, despite having ...

The price we pay

The price we pay
We watched the documentary Horizon: The Secret You yesterday which seeks answers to the question how we know who we are and touches on concepts like the soul. In the documentary (6:40) they present the mirror self recognition test which can be used to identify self-awareness that apparently leads to what is known as the ...

Language of the Innocent

I admire writers who do such a good job in describing the feelings of bereaved parents. I sometimes come across posts and all I can think is “wow, I could not have said it nearly as well”. Here is one of such posts by Sarah from Austin, Texas, who lost her daughter Genevieve in July ...