My wife and I went back to our support group for the first time today since Tobias died. Going back has been difficult. It kind of meant we are back in the hole. When we got pregnant with Tobias and stopped going to the group, we had some level of control back in our lives, purpose, a future… That feeling is gone now. Instead of being sleep-deprived new parents, we are trying to adjust to our second loss and more grief. Despite this, going back to the group is an important step for us. We met many very good and supportive friends in the group and sharing experiences is helpful. Being with the group always gives us many things to think about. Often it is very difficult and sometimes it feels like going would be too hard, but most of the time we feel that it was good to go after we went. Anyway, the group meets bi-weekly and maybe I will use the meetings as a trigger to write a blog post.
Here is the first group inspired post. A topic that came up briefly was about situations when you think you can handle the day, but then something small happens and totally throws you off. The difficulty with grief is that it is so unpredictable and can really hit you at any time. A particularly problematic issue is posed by TV commercials or random songs on the radio or commercials in the cinema. We had all of that happen to us already, but lately TV turns out to be annoying. Nothing really changed to TV programming, we just perceive it very differently. And the perception is that there is a continuous onslaught of pregnant women, birth scenes, child abductions in thrillers and so on. And then there are these particular commercials.
Have you ever noticed how many companies appeal to the typical happy-family image or how often children are used to convey something of importance in someone’s life? Believe me, on your average evening on the couch you cannot escape it. Obviously, most parents will be able to relate to these spots and that might make it successful, but if you are a parent who lost a child the connotation might become a bitter one. It just shows you what you have lost, what has been taken from you and what you might never be able to experience. That’s why I hate to see Lucas on TV. Because I could not protect my children from harm (and neither can Chevrolet, but we will let that slip). Go away Lucas, leave me alone. I cannot stand the way the parents say Lucas any more…
My rational mind knows that there is nothing wrong with these spots. In fact, several of them are actually very well made. But in our current situation these TV commercials just tick me off. Here is a short list of the ones that immediately come to mind. Bereaved parents beware, these might not be recommended for you to watch!
- Chevrolet Cruze – Ana, David & Lucas
- John Lewis Christmas Commercial
- Dear Mum, please take care of yourself
- Goodlife Fitness
I might add to this list during the next few weeks…